a rainy day in venezia: the blog’s inception

March 27, 2024

            I have been writing almost my entire life.

I remember when I was in grade school, there was a computer program in the library where I could create books. I could draw pictures for the pages, add emoticons and different art that was saved into their library to illustrate the stories that I would write. In 2nd grade, I was lucky enough to have a teacher who had us write our own books, hand draw the images, and then she went and had all of those published for us. I still have that book today. ‘The Ballerina Girl’ – written by 2nd grade me. It’s nothing to remark about, but I remember this being the start of my relationship with writing.

            A very beautiful, but somewhat distant relationship with writing. Over a decade ago, I was writing nearly every day. I wrote stories, I wrote letters, I wrote about my life, I wrote poems. I shared myself through my words for so long and I believe at that time – I got to know myself.

            I eventually entered a string of romantic relationships that consumed my energy and eventually - myself. This led to me becoming inconsistent with my writing. Unfortunately, boundaries were crossed, my journal was read, and my words became a weapon against me and I let writing go almost completely due to fear. Although I’ve been out of those relationships for quite some time, I still have yet to write regularly again. I feel rusty. What once felt so fluid and so easy now feels exciting, yet hard. I read my words back and am not moved like I once was years ago. Even when I read my old writings back, I’m often impressed by how I was able to provoke an emotional response.

            I was a lot younger, though. I was more hopeful, romantic, trusting. I was very naïve to what the next 10 years had in store for me. A lot of blessings, and a whole lot of hardships helped pave the way for this version of myself to emerge. Life changed – multiple times – and very quickly. And the thing about life that I’ve learned so far is that there will continue to be events that happen in life that change a lot of aspects (and sometimes: all aspects) of your life. Sometimes there’s absolutely nothing you can do more than learn from it and grow.  In these challenging moments, a lot of times I have found that I personally take steps away from myself instead of steps towards myself. I see this in the lack of my writing especially. When I should be turning to being where I am the most open and vulnerable to myself (i.e. through my writing), I instead completely dismiss it. I disregard myself, and that’s something I would like to do less of.

            I’ve decided to start this blog as a means for me to be inspired to write again. It’s mainly for me to play around with ideas, website themes, photography, whatever. I want to create a safe space for me, but also a means for potential connection. I will build myself a safe space here to open my heart and mind, and I hope it feels like a safe space to you and somewhere you want to be.

            However you ended up here, I want to say thank you for being here.

This is me. I’m Racquel. It’s nice to meet you.